Adoptees have many questions for their biological parents, particularly if they were part of a closed adoption. Many adoptees may have a burning desire to meet their parents and get answers to questions they’ve carried their whole lives, yet they may fear the truth even more.
How do you know if you should seek out your biological parent? Here are some good questions to ask yourself.
Why Do I Want to Find My Parents?
Clarifying why you want to find your parents is the best place to start. Do you want to know possible hereditary conditions or genetic predispositions? Do you want to know your cultural roots? To connect with relatives you’ve never met? To find closure about your adoption?
These are all valid reasons for finding your parents. Other reasons, such as stirring up family drama or getting revenge, would not be a reason to find your parents.
Am I Emotionally Ready?
The process of finding your parents can be emotionally heavy. Are you emotionally stable enough to handle life-altering information? Do you have a good support system to help you through new emotions?
Your parents may not want to be contacted, or they may be deceased. Are you prepared to handle this news, or a situation different from how you imagined? On the flip side, can you handle building a relationship with your parent?
How Will This Impact Others?
Consider your adoptive and biological family before proceeding forward. Some adoptive parents may be less supportive of your decision to find biological relations for various reasons. If your adoptive parents aren’t supportive, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t find your biological family. However, it is something to consider seriously. Finding your biological parents will change your life forever–and theirs. The impact may be more than you want to gamble.
Similarly, consider how this will affect your biological parents. How will they and their family respond to a child appearing in their lives decades later? Some may be thrilled, but for others, this could devastate their family. Of course, you cannot know how they will respond, but you should be prepared for a negative response. How will you feel if your biological family rejects you?
Deciding whether to find your biological family is a big decision. It will not only impact your future, but everyone connected to you. It should not be an impulsive decision. If you need help weighing the pros and cons, contact a professional therapist or discuss with a trusted relative.
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